Losing a Parent at a Young Age

I first wrote those words three years ago today, and it is still mind-blowing.

There is so much beauty and sorrow in that once sentence. Words are inadequate. My mom was a godly woman, a wife of noble character, and mother. A brilliant woman with multiple degrees, musically gifted, she served as a missionary, worked for the state college board, and was a university professor. But to my family, she was just Mom.

Mom was in her forties when she received her diagnosis of Vascular Dementia caused by numerous mini strokes. With the grace and elegance of a southern belle, my mother continued her life with true class. She never left home without her “curls and pearls”. And lipstick. Ladies are never complete without their lipstick.

My mother and I switched roles long before we hoped for. But she never ceased to dazzle me. She was one of the sweetest women you could ever meet, gracious and loving, but also focused and courageous. Mom did not let her diagnosis define her.

Mom was deeply committed to our family, aiming to fit in and serve where she could. She did this while being preoccupied with something far beyond our limited understanding. The most important thing I could say about her was how much she loved Jesus.

After two decades of this cruel disease, she is in heaven, in a new body, walking for the first time in ten years. And yet the loss still hurts. I thought I was prepared for her passing. It still caught me by surprise. At the time of her passing, I was 36, married for just under three years, and I had a 15-month old at home. I had barely started living. I feel like I was too young to lose a parent.

Losing a parent at any age is devastating, but something about being under 40, (heck, under 50), feels too young to be without a mom. Like I said, she and I switched roles a long time ago. You know how people say you will never understand the love of a child until you have had one of your own? I loved her like my child too. In many ways I had two losses.

Sharing sadness is uncomfortable. I, for one, just want to make people laugh and have my life point to Jesus. So, I am using this tragedy to share Jesus. I challenge you to use your hurt to remind others that some things can’t be fixed. Not all wounds will heal. We need to help each other remember that grief and sadness are multitasking emotions. You can and will be sad and happy, grieving and joyous, all at the same time. Moving forward doesn’t mean moving on. Not right away. It’s only through recognizing our hurts that we are able to allow healing.

If you have lost a parent, you are truly in my prayers today. Please reach out to me if your grief becomes too much for you to bear alone. This is a community of love, and you are welcome here.

Much love,
JC