Sabbatical Year

Hello, friends. I figured it was time for an update, a detailed explanation for the unusual year Liam and I have just spent. I don’t owe anyone an explanation, but I feel our story is a testimony of God’s faithfulness, one that should be shared.

After Judson passed away, I felt like I had lost so much more than him. I lost my security, safety, future plans, and the ability to have more children. I lost my sense of self because Judson and I were truly one. I lost my faith. I felt lied to by God. And friends and family who were there for me at the beginning eventually faded away.

In the receiving line at the visitation, I had TWO people ask me what my plans were and to let them know when the farm was going up for sale. I even had to write a general post on Facebook stating NO land was up for sale at either farm. Everyone just expected me to leave Newton. After all, I’m not from here. Small towns can be finicky. You’re one of them or not. I’m from a small town, so I can say that. Most of the friendships I made with and through Judson eventually faded away. They cared when Jud was sick, but after he was gone, who was I?

I had to get out of here.

I wasn’t necessarily running from anything. I don’t really care what people think or say. Growing up in music, performance gives you thick skin. But my identity does not rely on my performance. I left because EVERYTHING revolved around Judson. The farm, the lodge, all the animals I adopted trying to save just one when I couldn’t save him, the town… how was I supposed to heal when I literally assumed Judson’s life? So, I got out.

Four days after the burial, Liam, my mother-in-law, and I took off for Space Camp. It was dark and terribly stormy while we were there. Even the power went off when we were in the Saturn V Hall. It was a kind of reset for me. Their lights went off; mine came on. I did not necessarily have to go home.

I’m a travel agent. I can go anywhere. Liam was four. He didn’t have to go to K4 the next month as I had planned. I have two neighbors crazier than me when it comes to adopting animals and would gladly care for my fur babies while we traveled. There wasn’t a single thing I could do to help the farm. My sabbatical year took thought.

I told my dad I was not going to make any decisions for a year. Other than the necessary ones, of course. I didn’t shuck life’s responsibilities. But I had a health insurance extension from Jud’s policy, I had enough income to pay my bills, and nothing was keeping me at home.

I started brainstorming all the places I wanted to go, could afford, and would be safe for me and a 4-year-old to go on our own. I even asked for Liam’s opinion. He wanted to go to New York City and Bethlehem – as in Israel. Ha! I wanted to see Hawaii and New England in the fall. I asked my mother-in-law what she might like to see too, and we added Alaska to the ever-growing list.

Twelve months later, our Sabbatical Year has been the best worst year of my life. I have recapped some but not all of these trips, so follow the link when available to view that trip. We’ve been to…

New England in the fall – We flew into Boston, rented a car, and road tripped through Massachusetts, Maryland, Connecticut, Rhode Island, Vermont, Maine, New Hampshire, and upstate New York.

Memphis and Nashville – road trips to see family are the best!

Oklahoma City – to visit Judson’s sister.

Gatlinburg in the fall – with MawMaw and the Chihuahua!

Pensacola, Florida – to watch an air show and the Blue Angel’s homecoming.

NYC at Christmastime – sheer magic. In my top 3 life experiences!

Hawaii – Ten days, four islands. Paradise.

Revolutionary History road trip – I will recap this trip soon. It was incredible! We flew into Virginia and rented a car similar to our New England trip, and visited Williamsburg, Jamestown, and Yorktown. From there we drove to Arlington Cemetery on the way to DC! After a few days there, we drove through Delaware where we found a wonderful adventure for Liam, and then into Pennsylvania! So many stops to share soon!

Italy – I went on a choral tour through Rome, Florence, Tuscany, and Venice, and sang in the biggest/oldest/most popular cathedrals in the world.

Nashville, TN – our fourth annual road trip to see a super fun Aunt near Franklin.

Alaska/Canada – Wow! This one is up there in the top 3 as well. And MawMaw joined us for this trip too!

Scattered in the mix were several trips to the US Space and Rocket Center as well.

Here’s what I learned and experienced this year:

• Grief follows you everywhere. No matter where in the world I was, the loneliness and sheer agony was with me.
• God is with you everywhere as well. I could never flee from his presence, his love, or his plans for me.
• My in-laws are my second set of parents. We’re still family even without Judson’s presence.
• I registered as a farm owner and operator. I have no idea what the future holds, but I am HOME.
• I will honor Jud’s wishes for our farm and family.
• Liam’s counselor has been a godsend. From the bottom of my heart, thank you Josh.
• Shelly and Hy, this year couldn’t have happened without you. You’re true friends. Love y’all!
• And the greatest, most unexpected blessing of all is the impending arrival of Baby Judson in a few months!

God has truly blessed Liam and me through our Sabbatical Year. We’re not healed. We’re still not okay. We’ve just learned to carry our burdens with us. I don’t know what the next year holds for us with so many new beginnings – kindergarten, a newborn, farming – but I do know we will be following God’s plan whatever that may be.

Thank you for your prayers!